This reminds me of the ditty I used to sing at school
What do you do when you want to do a poo in an English Country Garden?
You pull down your pants and fertilise the
ants in an English Country Garden
Then pick up a leaf and wipe your underneath in an English Country Garden
Then pick up a spade and bury what you made in an English Country Garden
I hope that's given you some scope for imagination. I do so love to give mature, practical advice. Let me know how it goes....